why am i here???

Seriously speaking,i dont know why the fuck am i stuck doing f6 at Tunku. I mean i had the choice of gng fr private edu.The chance of doing what i wnated most..MassComm.so why the fuck did i make this stupid choice???I hate this life.seriously..i feel as if all my freedom had been taken away.Life at Seri Nibong was soo much better.i went to school went i wanted and i did as i pleased.But now..FML!Screw it la..4 months left:/,i strongly hope mommy and papa send me off to Delhi once i am done.yeaa..all day all night long i dream of being in dehli...havin the time of my life!i would do just about anything to study over there.Seriously,i wanna be there soo badly:( p/s:reality hit me hard..back to books:(

i need one:'(

I want a boyfriend.like..seriously!i need one farking bf!i mean,i totally envy freinds of mine that are in relationships.why cant i have a perfect relationship as well????:(
I want someone to look after me,to be by my side..to hold my hand..to just make me feel like a princess all over again!:'(
besides that,troughout these years..i have come to realise that friends dont stick around.ya..wtf ryte!FRIENDS DONT STICK AROUND!but a bf might...u know those forever and ever relatioships that lead to growing old together?!i want that too:(
like serious shitt...i need that.

well,its back to school day tomorrow...as much as i detest school,i somehow get to forget all those shit going on in my shitty life in school.so,it aint such a bad thing after all.

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I once cut myself...

I am not shy to admit that i was once dumb enough to cut myself. And this poem is something that i wrote when i was going throught that stage...

From start to finish I wonder why
The cuts look good in this messed up lie
The blood that trickles down my arm
People all stare at the girl who self-harms:-

"The emo" they call me
I turn to my name
They act out slicing their wrists
I hang my head in shame
I can't help my feelings
Of being alone
I hide myself for the day
Just longing to go home
I sprawl on my bed
With my razor in hand
And take myself away
To a much better land
I stare in the mirror
And let myself cry
Looking forward to the day
That I finally die

Life in shadez of black and white: A 'great' friend...

Life in shadez of black and white: A 'great' friend...

A 'great' friend...

When i enrolled in Tunku months ago,i knew i was never gonna be alone.I mean most of my friends were there. But there was this girl, well i wasnt REALLY close to her in high school but i felt kinda bad for her so i stuck with her since her 'gang' wasnt over there. We became kinda close in no time and i neglected some of my old friends because of her. When i look back i cant beleive i was so selfish back then. So,within a few months we were like damn close. The fact that our backgrounds and the way we were brought up differ in many ways did not seem to defer our friendship in the beggining. But in no time i realised that she wasnt exactly the kinda friend that would stick by me much. So i started keeping a distance and i soon found out how true my suspicions about her genuinity were. Well,i'm in no mood to rekindle what she did to make me feel that way so lets just leave it this way. Well guys, all i wanna say is...dont ever neglect your old friends when u have new ones.As the saying goes...old is still good.Hav a blessed day:)

A new beggining:)

Life...well it sucks. I'm not exactly being pessimistic about life but it sucks. But for a change, i'm gonna start being a lil optimisitic about it. I mean,after all its my life that i'l living and i only have this one lifetime to make the most of it.
It was difficult,it was VERY difficult to let go because HE knows how much i loved you and how much i was willing to sacrifice for u.(DAMN!i dont wanna sound emo!!)
so,lets cut it short...it wasnt easy for me to get the courage to start blogging again. I havent been blogging for more than a year or so because of some past incidents that changed me throughly.
But i guess its time i let go and continue pursuing my interest in blogging! After all, i'm still a self-confessed blogging geek:D
So,here i am again,back to my dusty blog!:P
Nevertheless,i have made a solemn vow to myself to live all those crap behind and look forward to brighter and hopefully happier days.I wanna be a that bubbly and happy-go-lucky girl i was once upon time. I wanna stop putting that fake smiling mask all day at school and end up locking myself in the room,crying buckets of tears at the end of the day.
Its time i learned to forget and let go of the past that haunts me till this day and move forward without looking back:)
And to let go of all that 'friends' that forget me at the end of the day despite me trying to hold on to that al most over friendship.
It's also high time i ignored those who took advantage of my sincerity.
My friend Lucas once told me..'keep your head high Anjuu' and he deffnitely meant well when he said that.Thanks alot Luke,for that really thoughtful advice of yours:)

Gotta go,and i promise to be back with more updates dear bloggie!ain't gonna neglect you anymore~<3